Depression.

So, this is a very hard subject to talk about and i chose this subject since many people are struggling with it: depression.

What is depression?

Depression isn't just feeling 'down', it's more than that. The following symptoms are involved when you're depressed:

- Hopelessness.
- Angry Outbursts.
- You can't concentrate on things.
- Sadness.
- Losing interests in friends, family and activities.
- Tiredness.
- You'll lose weight or gain weight,
- Attempts to harm yourself.
- Lack of energy.
- Suicidal thoughts.

( Click here to read more )

My Story

It all started with one simple thought: loneliness. I was at home all day long, i didn't go to my friends because they were always busy or didn't even think about me. I talked to people via Instagram, to people i've never met. I once met a girl on Instagram and she was struggling with it. I wasn't depressed that time but later, she told me about self-harming. Oh, i wish she never said that because it ruined my life. We talked and talked but suddenly, she disappeared one day. I was lost with the thought: i need to try to cut myself. So i did that, just to try it. 2 months later, i was still feeling the loneliness. I started to harm myself even more. My grades were bad and i had to leave my school. That made me feel worse. I stayed at home and i didn't want to anything anymore. I cried in my room for days, even weeks and i couldn't stop crying. But then, in the summer vacation, i started smoking. I stole my mom's cigarettes and smoked one every night when she was asleep, at 2 am. But i didn't sleep after that, i was crying in bed at 4 am. I thought about things like the death. I didn't want to live anymore because i couldn't see the use of my life. But i'm still alive, i survived but i didn't heal yet. I'm still struggling with the pain. I still cry about things because depression made me sensitive. It also made me feel weak, tired and my energy is less than before. But i have to hold on because i believe that the pain will end soon. I'm in therapy now and i'm sure it will help me alot.

I can explain you something about negativity:

If you're depressed, your head will say things that's absolutely not true.
Your head is in a negative state:

- You'll think your friends don't even care about you but they do care about you alot.
- You don't want to accept compliments because you think it's not true.
- People will tell you you're beautiful but you don't accept it because you still hate yourself for the smallest things.
- People will try to help you but you're pushing them away because you don't want to hurt them with the negativity you'll tell them about yourself.

I can't tell you more about it since i can't remember 80% of this year. I don't really like it because i forgot the good memories too.

What i want to say is:

Please, don't let it come this far. If you're struggling with it, please ask for help! Tell your closest friend about it and maybe he/she can help you. If that doesn't help, go and see a therapist, it will help you alot.

Also, try to find some tips on the internet. One way i use to prevent self-harm is to put a rubber band around my wrist and snap it if i feel the urge to cut myself or to do something i love to do, like singing or drawing.

Here are some tips:
- Cuddle with a stuffed toy.
- Draw on yourself with washable red marker-then take a shower and wash away your pain.
- Play a musical instrument.
- Read a good book.
- Meditate. Track your breathing.
- Paint or draw. 
- Rip paper into really small pieces.
- Write yourself an "I love myself because" letter and keep it.  Read it when you feel down.
- Re-arrange a room.
- Come up with baby names. Even if you aren't expecting.
- Try to make as many words as possible out of your full name. 
- Take a hot bath and "be" in the moment.
- Start a mood journal and write in it every day.  Do patterns surface?  Track your triggers.
- Color or scribble over pretty women in magazines.
(source: click here to see the full list )